After 1 hour of increasingly fouler swearing and having to pour three batches (nearly a full liter!) of unset mayonnaise down the drain (argh, the waste of eggs and oil!!!), I resorted to the internet and discovered that, yet again, all you need in life to be successful is an immersion blender.
As in, dear reader, there was homemade aioli for our homemade superiority burgers and it was fabulous.
Click this link and you will not only never buy mayonnaise again, you’ll never again be cursed with curdled egg yolks while you whisk and whisk and whisk, howling in the agony of futility while trying to make your own.